Older+Parenthood+&+Grandparenthood

There are many branches to this topic. On top of discussing each individual stage here, there are also many varieties to how they are gone about. All of of these ages are affected socially and psychologically by the relationships they have with their parents, children and grandchildren.

When talking about Middle-Aged Adults, there relationships with their children can be affected on wether or not their child has reached a normative or non-normative social status (Graduating from college, getting a job, getting married, having children / losing a job getting divorced). The more normative the child's status is the better a relationship the parent and child will have, and the greater positive impacts will be on both sides. The Middle-Aged Parent must also maintain a normative pattern to keep positive relationships with the child (Not divorcing, Staying healthy, Financially set).

This is true also with older parents. However, usually by this time there are other terms to deal with such as: Location, Interaction, Feelings of Affection, Mutual Aid, Beliefs of obligation, ect. If both sides keep relatively normative status' than there is often a great relationship between the two as the children get older. If the middle-age children are struggling in various ways than it can often lead to a negative impact on the older parent.

Grandparenthood is another stage too. At this time, it's important for the older child to be socially normative or else it can often lay burden on the grandparents when they should be settling into their life review: Role centrality, Valued eldership, and Indulgence. The grandparents role in the family varies based on culture, religion, physical ability, ect. If a grandparent decides to be Individualistic than they might maintain a good relationship with their children and grandchildren, while not living in the household. If the grandparent chooses a more collectivist approach, they may be expected to take on a more central role bringing up the grandchildren.

These days we find more and more grandparents taking care of their older children and grandchildren. This can happen due to cultural differences where the grandparents are expected to be a close part of the family and seen as a safety net for the children. Even more so these days with parents who are unable to care for their children due to a variety of reasons (finances, homelessness, abuse, ect.) Not only that, but sometimes these grandparents are even taking care of their own parents if they are still living. This is referred to as the “sandwich” generation. This is an important topic to understand because it can create a lot of stress for the caregiver, and with this becoming a more and more common occurrence, it is not unlikely that you will have to work within this situation someday.

Also, it's important to remember that at some point the roles will switch when the adult child is needed to care for the parent. Eventually, everyone will have to deal with the death of a parent (at any age!) which is why it's so important to understand the trauma that can bring. The more we know about both sides, the more professionals can give better advice to these individuals in each circumstance.

Role of Grandparents---Being the "Buddy"
A total of 11 roles of grandparents have been identified by Arthur Kornhaber, M.D., who is the founder and president of the Foundation for Grandparenting. One of these roles identified is known as being the "buddy" to the grandchild. Studies done by Kornhaber and his colleagues point that grandparents serve as the "more relaxed and permissive" version of the parents. Children feel comfortable sharing secrets and receiving advice from their grandparents, which is valuable because children don't always have the confidence to share some of the details of their life with their parents. However, grandparents need to be cautious not to step on any boundaries parents have laid down and avoid over-indulgence with their grandchildren.

This information can be important to parents and professionals when handling their child's relationship with his/her grandparent(s). It is valuable for parents to see that children identify their grandparents as a friend with whom they can confide secrets. Parents should never get angry or jealous with either their child or their own parent for a meaningful relationship bond that may grow. Furthermore, it is important that parents identify that this relationship has the potential to exist and communicate effectively with their own parents about guidelines and boundaries the wish for their children to follow. Professionals can also identify this relationship and help counsel any family issues that may arise due to problems in this area.

"The Role of Grandparents." //Parenting Weekly// (2010): n. pag. Web. 25 Feb 2010. .

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In our society today, there are many more older people in the population than there used to be, with 6 out 10 of them being women. The elderly population is defined as all persons aged 65 and over. Since 1900 not only has the elderly population increased greatly but the elderly population itself has become older and older, with many in their seventies and eighties. As this generation began to expand, gerontologists invented three categories to differentiate the elderly. Young-old are people 65-74, old-old are people 75-84, and oldest-old are people 85 and older. Also in our society today, nearly all children are having the opportunity to get to know at least two of their grandparents-and many get to know three or four. This has changed greatly since the beginning of the century. When a person becomes a grandparent today, there are many fewer family roles competing for his/her time and attention because of a decline in birth rates. Declining birth rates mean that the average person has fewer links to kin in the same generation, but because of the declining mortality rate the average person has more links to kin in preceding generations.=====

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Most of the help that the elderly and their adult children receive is mutual. The elderly are becoming to give much more than they receive, sometimes even becoming the primary care givers to their own grandchildren. In many cases where the grandparents are not the primary caregivers, they are nice and important to the middle-age parents and they're not required to take on the major responsibility for the care and socialization of the children. Grandparents and their children have relationships that vary in terms of many different things that include: Residential proximity, frequency of interaction, Mutual aid, Feelings of affection, and Beliefs regarding filial duty and obligation. I think it is important to point out the many different roles that grandparents play today. We received a worksheet in class that reviewed a bunch of different roles that grandparents are playing; the buddy, the hero, the mentor, the teacher, the historian, etc. It is really amazing how many different things that we can rely on them for if we maybe don't always have anyone to turn too. They in turn, learn from us as well.======

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I believe that this is important to us because some of us might be parents right now, and if not, many of us will be in the future. We need to realize how much the generations are changing and know what we can expect for our own children in relation to their grandparents. I think it is really important to point out all of the benefits that come along with having that relationship with a grandparent, and also realizing how lucky you are to even be able to meet these grandparents and get to know them, if is not possible to build a really strong constant relationship. When working with families it may not be just the parents who are looking after and supporting their kids, but the grandparents might play a huge role in their life as well. I think we need to know what grandparents can do for us and our kids and understand those relationships in other families as well.======

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When it comes to thinking about what a grandparent can bring to a household, usually most people just think of having another mouth to feed, and having more room taken up by an extra person or two. But what people actually don't know or understand is the effect that grandparents can have on a household, and what they can contribute to the family. Many can bring in home care for young children, some may take off the financial burden and pay for certain things, and others will do just about whatever you want them to do just because they want to. Many may think that when it comes to what grandparents are a part of, they think of them just being alone, and not involved in family functioning. Sociologists studied these issues and prospectively named it "intergenerational solidarity". Joseph Conrad states about solidarity being what knits together innumerable hearts. Now Cherlin states, from using Conrad's thinking, that intergenerational solidarity refers to the characteristics of familys relationships that knit the generations together.======

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When looking at the relationships between older parents and their adult children, Cherlin comes up with 3 different names and definitions to those interactions. First is contact. It is defined as the frequency of parents and children see one another and are in touch through phone calls and emails. Next is affinity. This is defined as the emotional connection between parents and children and how much they agree on values, attitudes, and beliefs. Last is assistance. This is defined as the amount of assistance in either time or goods or even money that parents and children provide to each other.======

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With contact, mostly the women do much of the "kin handling", which just means that the women of the family do most of the keeping in touch. But as adult children get a job, or get married, they may either stay close, or move away, which if there are grandchildren involved, it's a tough situation for the grandparents, especially if they were so used to being so close to the family and being able to keep in touch regularly. If something does move away part of the family, those who were able to form strong relationships experience hard times when trying to overcome the loss of contact with the rest of the family. Affinity, in earlier generations and earlier years, was strong. Grandparents were looked upon as strong mentally, wise, andn admired people. They were selfless people. Their lives, once shaped ours. In present times, grandparents are sought to be warm, kind, gentle and full of unconditional love. Adult children tend to believe what their parents once believed and practiced with young children. They agree with the thoughts and values and attitudes that the grandparents believe. But if one is to disagree, the kind of relationship that exists between those that disagree, can determine the outcome of the beliefs. And finally, assistance comes in many ways. Those that give, and those that take but give back. Cherlin provides us with 2 complementary kinds of assistance, one where the adult children give a lot of personal support, like when their elder parents are ill, and then the grandparents tend to give a lot of material support that includes monetarily assistance, daycare assistance, or living arrangement assistance. This makes the knit circle a little closer just because everyone can count on everyone in a time of need. This makes qualities of relationships a lot stronger which in the end makes everyone happier.======

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Now with working with families, knowing these kinds of things is very important. It not only opens your eyes as to how it may affect you someday when your parents grow older and you being having families and find yourself in a financial bind, your parents will always be there for you, and you will be there for them. The give and take system works, which brings us to the thought of the traditional parenting style. There is the thought of interdependence in traditional families, and while some may not think it works, some think it's is the best way just because you know you can depend on those in your family, and then in return they can depend on you. It goes around in a circle and those of us who are close to our parents now, will only get closer just because of the tight knit that our bonds have brought us. Professionals that work with these kinds of families will have to keep in mind their beliefs, but also have to be an open minded person in order to successfully help possibly repair damaged relationships. Now that the elders are living longer, we have to learn how to incorporate them into our everyday lives, we can't cut them out just because they can't do the hard physical labor they once did. They can contribute many things to our lives which in turn can make us better people in the long run. Understanding, compassion, and kindness consume the elderly. All they want out of life at this point is just to be involved in their families lives. They deserve just as much love and attention as everybody else does. They belong with us.======