Remarriage+&+Step+Families

__**Stepfamilies**__ After families get a divorce many choose cohabitation with another partner whom already has a child from the first marriage or relationship. As stated in Chapter 13 of Cherlin’s Text, one-fourth of stepfamilies resort to cohabitation. Due to the increase of cohabitation the amount of remarried among divorce has decreased. The couples who choose to remarry are stepparents to the children of the first marriage. Many stepparents do not get much credit and get ignored by the law (Cherlin 305). Being a stepparent can be very challenging, difficult and frustrating. Stepmothers and stepfather often have different roles in the family. Being a stepmother may be much harder than a stepfather. The children may have a difficult time accepting the stepmother because they do not get much one-on-one bonding time and the only time to establish a close relationship together is during the stepmothers visits. It’s not as difficult for children to accept a stepfather because often times he replaces the fathers roles in the house and a stepmother doesn't always fit the shoes of the biological mother.

This topic is important for parents especially parents who have been divorced so they can understand why their children acts differently around stepparents. Parents will be able to understand why it’s such a big adjustment to have a stepparent around the house. For instance, a stepmother, whom they are not use to bonding with and isn’t their “mother figure” that they are use to. As a teacher, this information is important to know because children with stepparents will continually become in contact with me in the classroom. Teachers need to know that children in a divorced family will be staying at different homes and to make sure to have two copies of all the important information that needs to be sent home, or contact both parents to make sure they receive the information. There may be struggles going on in the home and teachers need to provide the child with a supportive and caring environment. Teachers need to make sure to make their classroom as interactive as possible because they may not get much one-on-one time in their household.

Cherlin, Andrew. (2008). //Public and Private Families: An Introduction.// New York, NY: McGraw-Hill

__**Building the New Family**__
When parents divorce, new rules and routines are put into place that are generally agreed upon by the single parent and children (Cherlin, 2008). These rules and routines are often changed when the single parent remarries and a stepfamily is formed (Cherlin, 2008). According to Cherlin (2008), “At the start, the stepparent is an outsider, almost an intruder into the system” (p. 450). Often times, the relationship between stepparent and stepchild takes time to form. There are several phases during the transition period the new stepfamily generally goes through: affinity seeker or polite outsider to warm friend (Cherlin, 2008). As the affinity seeker, Cherlin (2008) explains, “Many avoid disciplining their stepchildren and focus on being warm and friendly so that they can induce their stepchildren to begin to like them” (p. 451). As the polite outsider, the stepparent takes a role that is less hands-on and more like a bystander (Cherlin, 2008). However, Cherlin (2008) continues, “But as the family begins to adjust, the stepparent may display more warmth and support, and more actively back up the biological parent in efforts to supervise and discipline the children” (p. 451). Once this adjustment happens, the new family enters a period of stabilization. According to Cherlin (2008), during this period, the role of the stepparent may include: (1) warmth toward, and support of the stepchildren; (2) little disciplining of the stepchildren; and (3) support for the biological parent’s child rearing style (p. 453).

It is important for people who work with families and children to understand the anticipated feelings associated with remarriage and stepfamilies. By understanding these feelings, the worker is better able to support and help the family. When the child(ren) is not accepting of the new stepparent from the beginning, it is important to reflect on this information and pass onto the families to assist them in dealing with the feelings and emotions they may be experiencing. Each family is different and will react differently to the new situations. People working with these families need to remember this and keep an open mind while working with them.

Cherlin, Andrew. (2008). //Public and Private Families: An Introduction//. New York, NY: McGraw-Hill

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